Today marks mine and Joe’s two year wedding anniversary. 8 whole years together and two years married.
A lot of friends ask me the “key” to a happy long-term relationship and I always reply “well, he’s my best friend and that’s why it works.” But, I thought I’d go into more detail and give somewhat some relationship advice on how to have a happy relationship.
Realistically speaking, Joe is more than just a best friend and we’ve both learnt a lot in our magical happy bubble of a relationship. Smug much?
Also, it’s worth mentioning that we’re pretty much opposites personality wise. Joe’s an ENTJ (Steve Jobs, Gordan Ramsey personality – which he hates and disagrees with a lot of points lol. I can confirm he is definitely not Steve Jobs, but has some traits… and he works for Apple, so it makes everything more laughable for me – just pulling your strings Joe :P) and I’m an INFJ (Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, a little wizard haha). But despite our polar opposite personalities, it just works. We help each other become the best versions of ourselves.
At the start of mine and Joe’s relationship our communication was pretty terrible. When something was wrong, I used to shut off, be pissed off in my head and pretend everything was fine. However, when we finally discussed ‘said problem’, I realised we’re not mind readers and it’s best to just let it all out.
Over the years, our communication grew stronger and stronger and now we just talk about anything and everything. If something pisses us off, we just talk about it, disagree/agree then move on with our lives.
When you love someone there’s no point holding grudges if you want the relationship to work.
Me and Joe rarely argue too, I think we’ve had two or three BIG arguments the whole time we’ve been together. But every relationship is different.
If someone can almost make you want to pee yourself from laughing, hold on to them because they are a gem that you need in your life!
There’s actually not that many people that can make me cry with laughter, apart from Joe, my work friends and some of my close friends… Rare gems I tell ya.
Joe and I laugh pretty much everyday and I think that’s healthy and normal in a relationship right? I mean it’s pretty good going when you’ve been together a long time.
So, keep on laughing and being silly together!
Trust is definitely in my top ten most important things.
I couldn’t be with a partner if we didn’t trust each other, simple.
I’ve been in a relationship before where my trust was broken and I got hurt and didn’t know how to deal with these emotions very well, therefore when Joe and I became a couple, I was a little apprehensive.
Of course there are going to be moments in a relationship where you worry but you’ve just got to trust them and let them do their own thing – unless they give you reasons to worry of course.
Who wants a toxic relationship? Not me, thanks.
A relationship full of shouting, backstabbing and anger is a no no. The secret to a long lasting relationship is kindness. Don’t be dicks to each other, simple!
5. “Me time”
In any healthy relationship, it’s ok and normal to have a bit of “me time”.
You shouldn’t spend every moment together, you need time to be alone to focus on your interests, see your friends and so forth.
I love spending time with Joe (obviously), but some days I just want to be in bed in my pyjamas watching girly chick flicks, seeing my friends or blogging, and I’ll do exactly that.
6. Sexual healing
I’m not going to go into detail about mine and Joe’s sex life… (I have friends and family who read this… awkward) but make sure your partner always makes you feel ‘sexy’ and always make time for it.
Having a relationship isn’t a one way street, you need to be able to respect your partners opinions and vice versa.
Allowing your partner to have the freedom to be themselves, talk honestly and freely, and make decisions and compromises together is the key for any healthy happy relationship.
8. Similar Interests
Some opposites do attract, but, I’ve always looked for a partner with similar interests to mine, as I like doing things together.
Joe and I are massive foodies, so we share of love of food, as well as music interests and where we’d like to travel together. Also, a similar taste in tv shows and films – I love coming home from work, snuggling up on the sofa watching our favourite tv shows… bliss! Speaking of tv shows… Making a Murderer season 2 is now on Netflix… so excuse us while we hibernate for a while.
9. Being happy with who you are
I think what’s most important is being happy with yourself and finding things you like, so you’re not completely reliant on one person. And your partner should be encouraging that!
We all have down days, and sometimes being with your loved one will no doubt make you feel better, but, I think what makes mine and Joe’s relationship work and why it’s so strong is that we do have our “me time” when we need it and we’re both happy being on our own too.
10. Loving gestures
And last but by no means least, loving gestures.
Actions speak louder than words as they say! Whether that being a material or a love note.
I’m not suggesting going all out and splashing your cash buying them whatever they want (I don’t think that works well for either one of you, as your partner may expect it all the time), but once in a while it’s nice to receive a bunch of flowers, be treated to a meal or writing a card expressing how much you love them. It could even be simple like leaving little love notes around the house.
Even 8 years of being together, Joe still surprises me with a bunch of flowers, pay’s for a meal out or runs me a bath with a Lush bath bomb (what an angel)!
He’s not very romantic with words, or would never lay tons of rose petals out (as much as I’d like him to…) but he’s a good egg and his loving gestures shows he still cares and keeps our relationship alive.
What’s important to you in a relationship? Let me know in the comments below!
You may also be interested in a recent blog post I wrote on being in a relationship since I was 16 and how it’s shaped me. I go into detail about my love life, it’s a bit juicy.