My Fourth Trimester Thoughts: The Newborn Bubble

The fourth trimester. The BIG life adjustment. The sweet moments and the hard times.

Rolling back to the first few weeks of Alessia being born, my life had this huge adjustment as any new parent would understand! I was caring after my baby for twenty four hours on repeat after having a planned cesarian. A life I had dreamed of for eight or so years.

We didn’t have an easy start.

Alessia was born with teeth, so breastfeeding was incredibly painful and out of the window. Then she caught a viral infection off of a visitor at ten days old, so we had a scary visit to A&E. Alongside many sleepless nights (the norm of a new parent) and a few trips into London to go to Great Ormand Street Hospital to have one tooth extracted.

That being said, my husband and I were so smitten with what we had created. She is the most beautiful and some-what chilled baby. We could just stare at her for hours upon hours (and still do!).

I found my feet quite quickly and bounced into motherhood.

After the initial stages and once I was fully recovered from my c-section things got easier and they just clicked.

I am now super confident at feeding and nappy changes. I’m still a little wobbly here and there when I’m out and about for a long time (5 or so hours), if I am by myself. If I’m with others it’s absolutely fine.

The anxiety was crazy in the first couple of weeks though!

I had some really intense moments. I still do sometimes. Like constantly checking if she is still breathing, checking if she’s too hot or cold, or not allowing others to hold her, apart from myself and my husband. Alongside this ultimate need to protect her at all times.

I have loosened up a bit, but there are times where it still makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable if I feel someone isn’t supporting her head right or breaking my boundaries like touching them without washing their hands or wanting to hold our baby when they’ve had too much too drink.

I think this is normal for mother’s and father’s to feel this way as I’ve had similar chats with other mums about this ‘need for protecting them’. It seems daft to need to say to someone, can you please wash your hands before you touch my daughter, but babies can pick up illnesses so rapidly, so most people understand. And not drinking alcohol around a baby is just common sense, well, you would like to think!

There are some days I find incredibly hard and those are the days when my husband is in London as I’m with my daughter from 7am till 8pm or later. When there is a London day, my mum usually pops round from 10am until 4pm to give me a hand which I’m really grateful for.

I find Joe’s office days locally quite tricky too, the ones where I’m by myself from 8am until 7pm or later.

The work from home days are so much easier for me to manage. If I need to eat lunch or dinner, I can quickly ask Joe to help for ten minutes. On days where no-one is around to help, I struggle to eat as Alessia needs my attention or holding constantly.

I struggle to put my needs first sometimes even if I’m dying of hangryness. She will always come first. My needs can wait.

I’ve talked a lot about the tough days, however, Alessia has been a dream. She is really chilled and we are incredibly lucky. I can read her ques rather well. AND, the best part is that she mostly sleeps through the night!!!

She has the sweetest smile and we have little chats every day so her communication is coming along nicely.

The newborn bubble flew by in the blink of an eye. I cannot believe my daughter is now fifteen weeks! Soon to be four months!

I’m really loving being a mum, it’s been a blissful rollercoaster, if that makes any sense?!

One thing I do struggle with is the dog mum guilt. I’m trying my best to give Archie moments of attention as he is my furry child too. He has been giving extra side-eyes recently, but he has been great with Lessi.

Things that I’ve found helpful during the newborn stages:

A friend of mine said to me, “go outside everyday“. So, I’ve done just that. As long as I’m not unwell!
I’ve very much enjoyed mine, Archie and Alessia’s daily nature walks, either once, twice or three times a day. We go out no matter the weather! Alessia usually sleeps on the walks and I can stick in my headphones or just listen to nature. Sometimes our mini daxxie will stroll along in the bottom of the pram. Living that luxurious life!

Joe’s six week paternity leave followed by part-time hours for a month really helped. I couldn’t have done less than what we had with my c-section recovery. Why isn’t this the norm for dads? Joe’s work have been brilliant and how it should be. Joe is very hands on. He is great with Alessia!

My mum. Do lean on that support! “It takes a village.” – it certainly does! We might not have a village but we have a few around to help. Our families are too spread out and far away, so we make do with one or two people to help support me. It really isn’t like the old days where you had “a village” or “community” to help support the mother. Times have changed! But, my mum has been AMAZING! She cleans the house while I take care of my baby. She holds Alessia while I scoff down lunch, then hands her back. And I have other new mum’s around to lean on too. Which I’ll chat about further down.

The Huckleberry App was recommended by a mum friend. Oh my word, I use this every day. COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT! You can track feeds, nappy changes, tummy time, bath time, all sorts on there. It tells you how much milk your baby has had each day, or how many nappy changes there have been.

Another thing that’s really helped me is being somewhat organised! I have a chalk board in the kitchen and I stick to my written weekly schedule on there. Move Monday, Treat Tuesday, Meet Up Weds, Tidy Thursday and Friday Chill. As well as this, my Apple calendar is filled to the brim of what I need to do each day. A mix of scheduled “meetings” and “reminders”.

NCT mum chats and meet-ups. I forgot near enough everything I learnt in NCT, however, I was there to make new mum friends mainly. I set up a what’s app group where we can chat about anything and everything. We’ve met up a bunch of times too. I do struggle with getting back to people sometimes, only because I’m not really on my phone much. But it’s nice to have this group to lean on.

Baby week by week book. I bang on about this to any new parents! We were kindly gifted this by a family member and it’s been SO helpful. A weekly guide on what to expect each week.

Going out and about can be challenging as you have to time it right with the little one and because I’m a little limited as I no longer drive. BUT, going out to different villages with my mum, husband or others has helped my mental health a lot. A simple coffee and cookie treat works wonders. Or if I’m alone with Alessia, the daily walks really help my mind-set.

Road trips are easier than you think! I wish we had done this sooner, however, I suppose because newborn babies aren’t allowed to be in the car for more than thirty minutes at a time, it’s probably why we delayed any long drives.

One to two hours is do-able with one or two breaks! I wouldn’t do road trips all the time, but Alessia slept most of the way there and back when we went to Whitstable and it was easier than I thought.
As long as we aren’t in standstill traffic then it isn’t an issue, because that’s when she cries! She doesn’t like the motion of the car stopping.

Take lots of photos daily and weekly! And book that newborn photoshoot! It’s worth it for the memories and to see your baby’s changes weekly. Alessia was so teeny tiny when she was born weighing just six pound 3, now she is on the 50th percentile and weighing just over 6kg!

The sleep improves! The first six weeks hit us like a ton of bricks with severe sleep deprivation that I had to be prescribed sleeping tablets as I had severe anxiety over SIDS and the baby snoring noises would keep me awake, however I stopped taking them after a few nights as I could not function during the day.
Now Alessia is sleeping amazingly! I’m not so worried about the noises and we are doing everything to prevent SIDS. She is sleeping at least 5-8 hours at night.

Hang in there sleep deprived parents! Of course every baby is different, but the guidance of the baby book really helped with Alessia’s sleeping schedule.

Enjoy the smiles, the cuddles, the slowing down (the messy house can wait!) and the newborn bubble. They won’t be this tiny again!

Alessia has been rather chatty for a fair few weeks but I do chat to her a lot lol. I’m developing her skills and learning with lots of tummy time, reading and at home sensory.

I just wanted to finalize my natter by giving credit to other mums and hands-on-dads.

You don’t fully understand how hard it is for mum’s until you become one yourself. A whole new level of appreciation and respect for you all. There is also SO much judgement for mums and women in general which makes me sad. The constant noise from others on how to do things the “right way” can be incredibly frustrating and overwhelming. To put it nicely, if a new mum or dad wanted advice, we would simply ask for it.

Anywho, you’re all doing amazing! Single mums, working mums and full-time mums, you’re all doing fantastic. Keep on being that rockstar mum that you are and keep on breaking the norm of previous generations!