My favourite season for obvious reasons… I’m an Autumnal baby, born in the late 80’s.
I was an early surprise for my parents, six weeks early to be exact. Born at 9pm on the dot on Halloween. I do like to make a scary entrance sometimes… maybe not so much as I’ve gotten older.
“October 31 Scorpios are searchers after truth and spiritual oneness. They are loners and have no need of validation from others. Although their personal lives may be characterized by highs and lows, they can always get past disappointment. They display honesty without harshness. They are careful about enforcing emotional boundaries.”
I think the above statement is pretty accurate. Also, I do feel like I’m also highly observant, sometimes timid and quiet, unless you know me super well then I may come out of my shell around you.
My energy and personality tends to adapt and reflect who I am around and how they behave. I’m very confusing and misunderstood a lot. But hey, me and my fellow Scorpio’s have layers and layers of depth, we’re very passionate, are super honest and battle with a lot of intense emotions.
Anyway, I won’t waffle on as some may find star signs boring. However, I find the astrological world fascinating.
I would like to and do need to do a huge round up of the past three months of joyful moments. I will do that another time. For now, I thought I would do a detailed update on October and November highlights (so far) and mention a few lowlights too. There needs to be a balance of both because not everything is sunshine and rainbows in real life or on social media and the internet. I’m very real, raw and honest and that’s what you’re going to get on my platforms. So, if you’re looking for the sunshine and rainbows, my blog isn’t going to be just that.
So, let’s talk about life lately.
The past couple of weeks have been incredibly overwhelming in relation to continuous and endless health complications and trying to attend as many appointments as I possibly can every single week. As well as a lot of personal stress factors too. However, there has been some really joyful moments worth celebrating and mentioning.
I booked the most dreamy luxurious relaxing holiday for Joe and I for next year.
When the 1st of October rolled around the celebrations began. Celebrations from my birthday, as well as lots of friends and family birthdays, Archie’s 3rd birthday and mine and Joe’s seventh wedding anniversary celebrations in early November too. I wanted to also highlight some of the little and big wonderful moments that have passed as little moments matter to me more than anything, more so than any lavish gift or experience.
I will say though, I don’t want to sugarcoat everything and just focus on the highlights, because honestly, life, my health, my intense emotions and feelings on top of super personal stresses have been incredibly shit to deal with, to put it lightly.
Moving swiftly on… October and November tend to be an incredibly busy period for me and my little family. Lots of Libra’s and Scorpio’s are in my family. As well as some of my closest friends and my best friend being Scorpions. Archie’s third birthday in October too.
It’s also a time where I am most reflective and most critical of myself and events. Sometimes I’m in my head too much analysing everything and anything. I share some of those thoughts on here, but if I’m feeling super raw and it’s far too personal to share, it’ll be a ramble in my notes app.
I’m going to start with some highlights… Then mention some lowlights. There will be a lot more ‘highlights’ because I have been incredibly busy during Autumn, I’m trying to distract myself, and, as we approach Winter that will be fairly busy period too.
I tend to busy myself and overload myself with events, daily tasks and such, from the moment I’m awake until I fall asleep, so I don’t have to think about my personal health hells or hellish situations and simply enjoy life like everyone else can.
I really do need to focus on relaxing every now and again, but it’s impossible for me to do so sometimes. Unless my body is telling me ‘No Zoey, you’re sick or in pain and need to have a duvet day to feel better’.
Personally, I really struggle with sitting still and my brain is this tangled web that is never really in ‘chill mode’ because there is always stuff to do and my health complications are massively overwhelming on top of my daily life admin and jobs. However, writing is a super therapeutic method for me, I release a lot of thoughts into the internet world. And, it’s almost like a “aaaah” feeling, a release, like it’s out in the open, I’ve got it out my system and now I can move on to the next thing.
And this is why I love blogging and writing and the platforms I use. Writing can be raw, vulnerable, honest, however you decide you like to write. It’s your writing style. I can just be me.
Jeez, I’m on one today, aren’t I. Just keeping it real as always.
Styling our home
I’ve bought some truly gorgeous bits for our home lately. A stunning lamp, some fun colourful cushions for the living room and a new edgy wooden TV unit. Also, I colour coded my books. Simple little things like bright colours organised like the rainbow make me very very happy.
In recent years, I would say my motto with interiors and fashion has been “always add a splash of colour to everything and anything to cheer yourself up.” Which is quite odd as I used to buy everything neutral or just wear black. But bright colours are mood changing.
Anyway, I did buy some more books and they are currently collecting dust, so, I need to add them to my bookshelf at some point.
Do you know what would be an absolute dream to do. I need a month where I do nothing but reading and playing catch up on TV and films solidly. With no interruptions, no notifications, no distractions, no digital distractions except TV. How blissful would that be.
Moving on to some TV series, documentaries and films I’ve loved recently are…
Louis Theroux Interviews Series 2: Anthony Joshua episode (BBC iPlayer).
This was really interesting! Watched this episode with Joe on Friday night.
Anthony Joshua is a little bit of weird one and I think that’s because he is from my home-town and is the same age as me. I’ve always been a fan of what he has built and achieved for himself. I don’t know him personally or anything like that.
I think it’s just so bizarre to me that AJ has become this global athlete. He does seem very grounded, genuine, down to earth, and is so so driven, he has that determination to be the best and has succeeded. He has a typical Watfordian accent too. And has an infectious smile.
After watching that episode, we watched the Stormzy one from Series 1. Stormzy is also super interesting.
I guess I find these interviews super interesting because you’re getting a little insight into their lives and how they feel with personal topics and their stories. Theroux is a good person for those delicate interviews.
I’m going to watch a few more when I have some time spare.
Selling Sunset S7 (Netflix TV series)
SO much drama, so addictive and fascinating to watch though! They have such insane luxurious lifestyles in LA. Anyway, from S7, I’m team Amanza and Bre. Also, I felt really sad about Mary’s news. Won’t give any spoilers.
Beckham (Netflix docuseries series)
I LOVED this! David Beckham was my first childhood crush and one of my inspirations when I was younger. I also LOVE Victoria from watching her in this docuseries. What a Queen.
Arnold (Netflix docuseries series)
Arnold is a super interesting man. My grandad has been a big fan of his for years. Anyway, the Netflix docuseries is so so good. He talks about his difficult childhood and his story. I bought his book recently and need to find time to read it!
Jada Pinka Smith Diary of a CEO Interview (Youtube)
This was recommended to me by a dear friend of mine a few weeks or so ago. It was during a period where I was really struggling with some personal moments in my life.
I watched the entire thing and I loved watching Jada’s vulnerability and how she opened up about her upbringing and past, her marriage with Will and other life situations. She is a truly fascinating person and I have massive respect for her being so vulnerable to the world.
I’m not saying I agree with all of the choices she has made in the last couple of years, however I do appreciate and understand that she wants to focus on herself and ‘make herself happy’ on her own. Frankly, it’s no-one’s business with who she now dates or has dated in the past couple of years, that’s more of a situation for her family to deal with I suppose.
Limitless with Chris Hemsworth (Disney+)
Chris Hemsworth is such a like-able guy isn’t he? He’s one of my favourite actors. Anyway, this was an amazing watch. Hemsworth does a series where he approaches different ways where we can live better for longer: regenerating damage, maximizing strength, building resilience, shocking the body, supercharging memory and confronting mortality. I really enjoyed watching it.
GBBO (Channel 4)
Bake off is back! Happy happy days. Tuesday evenings are becoming my favourite night of the week during the Autumn season.
Cosy evenings swarmed up in blankets, Bake off playing in the background, sipping a home-made chai latte, snacking on sweet things and chats with Joe through-out. Bliss.
Coleen Documentary (Disney+)
I didn’t really know this story very well, however, I am aware of it being all over socials and the news. I actually enjoyed watching it. Although this is ‘Coleen’s version of events’, I am team Coleen from watching this documentary.
I cannot get on board with fake friends or people screwing others over for money or fame. I feel sorry for what the other lady went through with the backlash of hate, however, I don’t like the kinda ‘play a victim with your actions and behaviours’ and simply not take accountability.
Into the Wild (film), Plus a few other films worth mentioning…
I haven’t watched many films lately, however, one favourite film I watched recently was Into the Wild. It’s based on an incredible true story of a guy who donated all his savings to charities and good causes and lived in the wild with practically nothing, he went travelling around the US and had this goal of where he wanted to get to.
Ahhh, it’s amazing, I wish I had the balls to do something as extreme like that in my twenties. I would say Into the Wild is on my TOP FAVOURITE FILMS list.
Some other films worth mentioning that I’ve also enjoyed. What’s Love Got to do With It, The Last Letter From Your Lover and The King. All on Netflix.
I did really badly want to watch Dune Part 2 in early November (original release date), however the release date is now delayed to sometime in 2024 due to strikes…
Favourite listens lately.
Just a heads up my music taste is very varied.
I love a bit of Drake, Kayne West or Magic FM whilst making dinner or just having a little boogie and getting those steps in. Have been obsessed with Ruby Waters since seeing her live with City and Colour at a London gig very recently (I’ve seen Dallas (C&C) and Alexisonfire over 15 times now, kinda lost count). Ruby’s song ‘Fox’ is a fave.
Also loving a bit of Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Beartooth, Phil Collins, Foo Fighters, Boy Genius, Drake, Stormzy, Cat Burns, Stone Stour and Blink 182.
Foodie and drink loves
Pumpkin spiced or pistachio cinnamon buns are delicious, anything pistachio or pumpkin flavoured in my mouth, yes please – obsessed. It’s also chai latte season, gimme a chai latte at every single opportunity please. GAILS mince pies – 11/10. Grilled cheese toastie with tomato soup, heavenly. Enjoying lots and lots of different kinds of tomato soups, it’s soup season guys.
Flavoursome pizzas at Flourish Bakery, so so scrummy. Local heart-warming pub grub, including the most incredible Rolo and Crunchie cheesecakes on the special board. Humble Crumble goodness. Flake yogurts treats (top tier yogurt IMO) and Doughnut Time Halloween 6-pack box, THE BEST doughnuts ever!
I’ve also been enjoying some delicious home-cooked meals. I do love experimenting and creating interesting vegetarian wraps, such as, Mexican inspired black bean wraps, spiced paneer wraps and so forth. I also made a very lovely fish-less pie with butter beans, peas and other things, SO SO good.
Another fave meal I had recently was an Autumn chickpea curry dish.
I can’t take any credit what-so-ever for these recipes, I bought a few boxes on Green Chef, but put in the effort and hard work to eat healthy, heart-warming and nice foods.
Oh and I really enjoyed ‘Corby styled home made chilli chippies’ courtesy of Joe.
Little joyful moments
I’m enjoying super long solo walks, at times walking into the unknown when my anxiety isn’t at it’s worst and feeling a little more confident and brave with getting lost and guiding my way to other local towns on foot without the use of my phone, just trusting my gut and my some-what shit but ok memory.
Also enjoying chatty catch up walks with some lovely friends, family members or Joe.
I’m always taking in the sounds and smells of nature on my solo or group walks. Or if alone, I’ll stick on some music, alternatively, a podcast such as ‘Time to Walk’ on my Apple Watch to focus on something other than my thoughts and feels during adventures.
Other forms of enjoyable exercise
Loving reformer pilates and dance work outs.
Solo date days
I enjoyed my first ever solo-date morning and afternoon wandering around one of my favourite towns. Treated myself to a beauty appointment, some interesting walks, browsed around cute shops, and had an epic brunch.
Cosy smelly things
Making my house smell cosy and lovely. Every day you’ll find a crackling candle (usually Woodwick) burning somewhere in my home, amongst gorgeous scented diffusers dotted around the house with spiced autumn scents (Glade), Moroccan rose scents (True Grace) or super fancy and sexy smelling scents such as “Black Lily from Truce Grace” which is in our bedroom at the mo.
I cried on my birthday a lot this year. Sad and happy tears. However, all the wonderful and beautiful messages I received from my birthday were so heartfelt, as well as a cute video from my best friend and her little family singing me happy birthday. Huge shout out to the gorgeous and thoughtful cards and presents I also received. I’m a lucky lady.
My neighbour bought me an unexpected Tatty Devine sausage dog brooch. I cried because it was so so thoughtful and such a sweet gift to receive.
Joe got me an early birthday pressie which was an iPhone upgrade, he did get me two Tatty D treats too, hummingbird necklace and a typewriter – his reason was because “I’m a writer/blogger” and the bird was cool, I do love my birdies.
I still had a iPhone 12 pro, but luckily upgraded to the 15 pro when released, due to wanting a better camera more than anything. The 12 pro itself was fine, I don’t upgrade all the time because it’s a waste of money and it does and still did a decent job, however, I’m so very happy and lucky to have an upgrade and for Joe to splash out on me. The camera and filming quality is AMAZING.
Oh and lots and lots of lovely gifted flowers dotted around the house too.
I had super early birthday celebrations at the start of October with some of Joe’s uni friends and their partners at our home. Some stayed over for the weekend.
It was a bloody great weekend. I haven’t belly laughed for about 10 hours solid in bloody ages. Laughter is good for the soul.
I took one photo from that weekend, which was of my birthday cake. Shame I didn’t take many snaps during that weekend, however, I would rather enjoy peoples company without my phone distracting me.
My phone goes away and out of my sight when people I don’t see that often get together, it’s a thing I’ve been doing for a year or so now.
The other two photos are from the following day when our friends left.
Joe made his infamous home-made pizzas for everyone, 11/10 as always. We had many many drinks. Hannah and Alex brought over some champers that Alex had won in some random badminton competition if I’m remembering correctly. I do love a glass of bubbles every now and again. It’s the first time I’ve had an alcoholic beverage in months…
We also did ice-cold-tub turns and hot-tub fun with our lovely friends. Oh, and Hannah and Alex got me some gorgeous Autumnal flowers and a cute card, the flowers were similar, actually exactly the same style as the ones I picked up the week before, so so funny. Great minds think alike!
Other birthday celebrations…
We popped into London the day prior to my birthday and walked over 25k steps. We had so much food that day. Including an incredible fine-dining 7-course dinner experience at The Galvin. It’s been on my bucket-list for years.
We went to the Harry Potter Dark Arts Experience on my actual birthday date. THIS WAS AMAZING!!! I haven’t been to the WB Harry Potter studios in yonks and I really wanted to visit the studioes this year as a lot has changed. It’s HUGE now, so much to do.
We added on ‘The Afternoon Tea Experience’ with our Harry Potter tour. That was incredible too. We had the gluten free vegan menu.
We’re actually vegetarian (I’m a little more flexible these days, with eating fish occasionally… Joe is strictly veggie. I do prefer veggie foods, but sometimes eat fish for health related reasons), but they didn’t have vegetarian as an option and I was eating GF at the time too when I booked it all. Honestly though, it tasted delightful.
Steve, the man who served our afternoon tea was such a character and super friendly. He let us back in the tour through a secret entrance as we rushed the tour beforehand. Lovely lovely man. And amazing day out for my birthday.
I treated myself to a few things. I upgraded my Airpods to Airpods Pro’s (Generation two). I also got some uplifting mugs. I have a mug obsession/problem… I need to have a proper clear out and give loads of mugs and clothes to charity at some point.
I did my first large clothes order since June 2023. Returned the majority, but kept some really lovely maxi skirts, knitwear and basic essentials. I did also treat myself to another Jo Malone fragrance (one of the Christmas ones) and a lavish statement Tatty Devine piece.
I bought The Happy Newspaper subscription (3 issues) and a couple of ‘Breathe’ magazines which I’m waiting to arrive over the next few weeks.
London adventures for celebrations
We had lots of lovely London adventures for wedding anniversary celebrations too, which falls a week after my birthday.
Saw some of the Christmas Lights around Central London by chance. I didn’t think some of the lights would be switched on this early, but Oxford Street was lit up.
We indulged in fancy afternoon teas and also had yummy foods like Honest Burger and Sticks n Sushi. We had some drinks on my birthday at The Grind and The Galvin. I don’t usually drink alcohol but was celebrating.
Watched Les Mis on our wedding anniversary… I fell asleep towards the end (last 20 mins or so), so bloody annoyed at myself that I fell asleep and missed the ending. Typical Zoey behaviour.
Little but bold and brave moments
Making amends with some relationships I value highly and care about deeply (still working my way through). Life is too damn short. I just won’t tolerate bullshit and unnecessary mean behaviours from anyone and everyone.
On reflection, ‘past me’ would be so so proud of ‘present me’ being the one to knock down my incredibly stubborn attitude (a tad) and be the first one to apologise. Trust me, I don’t like being wrong or saying sorry. But, if you get an apology from me, it’s a really meaningful one because I love you and care about you. Joe knows my stubbornness oh so incredibly well. I’ve probably only apologised to him around three times in over 13 years. However I am working on being a bit more apologetic.
Since getting Arch, Joe and I haven’t really left him by himself much at home. He is usually looked after by either my mum or others if we’re out and about.
This year we made a little promise that we would work on Archie’s separation anxiety and leave him at home for 1-2 hours to build him up gradually and eventually go on little local date evenings. We did one last month and it was a success! Loved our time together, however I’m really not used to loud pub noises anymore, I think I’ve hit an age where sound really affects me. Anyway, I want to start going on date evenings and hope to continue into late 2023 and 2024…
Weight loss milestone
Another small but wonderfully joyful moment was dropping down another dress size! I still have a long way to go to get back to my old figure. But, weight gain from medication and health complications is a massive bummer, however, I’m really working on getting back to my happy and ideal weight with increased exercise and mostly healthy eating. Just no longer restricting myself if I want a treat or two.
I have been working on my weight-loss solidly for almost a year. May take another year to reach my goal. We shall see.
Beauty and wellbeing loves
I’m loving having my eyelash extensions done. It’s such a treat! I’ve only ever had them done twice before. Once for my wedding and for my best friend’s wedding. So, I treated myself to have them done before my birthday this year and I’m planning on getting them infilled for a few months.
It’s a bit of a confidence booster because I don’t have to put any make-up on. I woke up this this – fluttering eyelashes kinda vibes. Not that I really wear make-up these day, unless I’m celebrating something. I am wearing make-up above though.
I think Joe prefer’s my natural looks anyway. He has said a couple of times that I don’t need to wear make-up because I’m “naturally beautiful” His words, not mine. But I’ll take the compliment. Bloody hate compliments about my appearance from anyone else, but I’ll take what I can get from my husband on the compliment front.
Having said that… I would never do certain things or changes to my appearance for anyone, mainly because I can’t be assed with the extra effort every day to be honest. Especially since pandemic times. So, my husband get’s to see me looking like a troll most days. Sorry Joe.
Anyway, rambling on as I do… I’ve also been trying to have weekly massages to release stress and tension, but, to also re-align my back and neck.
I’m in daily pains when I wake up. Not as painful as my Endometriosis flare up’s, however is massively annoying. Anyway, lava stone massages are AMAZING for helping ease up some pains and re-align my neck and spine a little. I am starting physio soon though!
Lastly, I’ve been having my nails done again! BIAB nails is game changing.
Joe and I had a spa day and an actual digital detox at Aqua Sana in Woburn which was part of our wedding anniversary celebrations that I organised.
This place was and is so so cool. So many interesting steam rooms and saunas dotted around. Massage was amazing too! I had my phone in my locker from 9am till 5pm and came back to endless amounts of notifications, emails and over 100 whats app messages. Always fun trying to catch up with everything afterwards when I’m usually on top of messages.
Anyway, I love that Aqua Sana encourage their guests to leave their phones in the lockers, that way you are fully relaxing in the moment and can enjoy the day more. As much as I am a big technology nerd and advocate, it was nice having the much needed digital detox for the majority of the day. It was also super refreshing to finally see Joe fully relax and not have to deal with any work on his day off.
Anyway let’s talk Aqua Sana.
I loved the intensity of the lava sauna and ice room. Massive contrasts but love it. I did also like the green lit steam room on the lower level. The intensity of the steam was amazing in that particular room. The herbal infused saunas were rather nice too. And basic bitch me loved the individual foot spa tubs near the entrance. Very futuristic, but lovely relaxing experience for my feet. Would highly recommend having a spa day and digital detox here. My friends often rave about Aqua Sana, glad we went and would happily come again.
Overwhelming and on-going health chronic conditions, infertility, investigations, other health-related issues and daily pains.
One of my biggest factors that affects my mood is my lack of sleep. I’m dealing with severe insomnia once again. I’ve struggled with my sleep for years, however, I go through periods where my my severe insomnia kicks in. Which happens to be around this time of year oddly. Usually I can get on with my day despite the lack of sleep, however I can and tend to be overly emotional and highly sensitive when I’ve had less than 4 or 5 hours.
I doubled my insomnia dosage the other day, nothing has really changed. So, I think I need to make another medical call about it. Just so many other medical appointments I’m dealing with at the moment, cry.
I do think because I’m not sleeping well, I’ve struggled with a lot of really bad mental health days.
I tend to struggle with a lot of triggers. An example of one of my triggers could be… I saw some violence on the street, but could literally be anything. Or people that create unnecessary tensions which leads me to having really intense emotions such as extreme sadness or I’m extremely anxious, or can get overly worked up, which results in me being too scared to leave my home or removing myself from situations to protect my peace.
I tend to shut myself off away from everyone in my little bubble. It may be a self-protection thing I’ve learnt to do from a young age. I also researched and found a term of a annoying trait that I have which is called ‘rumination’. Obsessively thinking about past conversations and past events over and over (usually the upsetting, painful or awkward conversations and events). Until someone is able to distract me or snap me out of this overthinking. I can’t control it until I really force myself to focus on something else, such as, drawing my attention to a object.
I think its a major anxiety thing I do where I’m trying to remember every detail and maybe I could of said something differently or behaved a different way. Or maybe it’s linked to my PTSD.
Anyway, moving on to other boring health-related complications…
Daily neck and back pains are also a massive annoyance in my life. My neck is actually not aligned anymore, I’m working on trying to re-align and fix it. I’m starting Physio on Tuesday though!
I also had my biopsy done mid October. I had time to process the results, discuss with the doctor and for them to make a plan for me. I’ve been on treatment since the results. Finished that course of treatment yesterday. And, now I need to be on other courses of treatment until my next embryo transfer to give Joe and I the best possible chance. I do need to also work on being stress-free and as relaxed as possible.
The snaps above are from my biopsy day. I was really nervous leading up to it and especially on the day, although as always I put on a brave smile.
The biopsy was quite painful. I made a few squirming uncomfortable faces at Joe in the room during the procedure. He was allowed in with me thankfully.
I was so glad it was over and done with as it kept being delayed due to complications of cysts I have on my only surviving ovary. Reason being was the IVF medication was having a negative impact on the cysts.
I guess they were being extra cautious considering my previous history of IVF procedure mistakes with a punctured endometriosis cyst and the aftermath of further health complications at another clinic.
Anyway they warned me that one of my cysts which was measured at 26mm on my last scan could possible rupture as its really quite huge. I have two other cysts next to that one. Around 12mm and 10mm in size. Oh and my first fibroid thrown in the mix. It’s all fun and games, I just need to be very cautious and delicate with any future procedures, unless the cysts of course disappear. But they were continually growing which was causing concern of a possible rupture.
After the biopsy was done and dusted, I was able to treat myself to a nice brunch in a town I’ve always loved. I cannot express how amazing and delicious that brunch was. Oh and the peanut chocolate crunch cake was divine. What a treat!
Endo has been a nightmare lately too. Extreme sharp stabbing pains every second for a week solid until my period has gone. Always fun to deal with… and I know my week is going to be a complete write-off when my endometriosis flares up.
I was really struggling last month that I rang Joe crying in pain over the phone and asked him to come home from work to just make me a cuppa and make me some food, as I hadn’t drank or eaten the entire day due to the extreme pains and zero energy. I felt completely weak. He came home at 5pm in the end with pizza and drinks, then went back to work upstairs in his office. I could only manage one slice, but I was so grateful to eat something.
Some delicate conversations
I have been putting my guard up and being in defence too much recently with some awkward conversations. I want to stand my ground and set boundaries when I feel like I’m being disrespected or someone is being hurtful towards me. However, I do understand that most will be offended by the boundaries I’m setting… the ones that care anyway. I can be very cut-throat and cut people off to protect my peace and to remove myself from situations that are causing more harm to me than doing any good.
I need to stop caring. Oh to be able to not have a care in the world and be a completely selfish human. That would solve all my problems wouldn’t it? More so the not caring part. Because I don’t jell well with overly selfish people. However, I don’t think I can and will ever stop caring for others unless you do or say something extremely hurtful towards me.
I think I’m going to leave that there and dash off to bed. Hopefully sleep more than 7 hours. That would be amazing right? Honestly though, how do others sleep for more than 7 hours solidly? Please tell me your tricks.
This has been a beast of a post, more so like a carefully worded diary entry. Which I need to quickly re-read then publish. I’m sure there are other life situations and things I’ve missed out on here but this is getting incredibly long and sleep is calling.