My Relationship With My Weight

It’s been a rollercoaster of a couple of years with my weight. I’ve gone from being a size 10 for the majority of my twenties to a 12, then back down to an 8, then back to a 10, then 12 again.

When I had to go on my medication a few years ago, my weight slowly increased and is still increasing. Side effects of being on medication I’m afraid. And as much as I hate how said medication has affected my once amazing metabolism, it’s something I just have to live with for another couple of years.

Today, I’m really unhappy with my weight. I’m a ‘healthy’ size 12 (weighing 72.5kg (11 stone 4)), however, I feel chubby and just not myself.

My weakness is chocolate and hot chocolates, I can’t go a day without eating and drinking them. For the most part I do eat really healthy, I have home made soups for lunch, then fish or chicken and salad or rice for dinner. But then I’ll snack on chocolate! But I keep questioning why I keep putting on the pounds every week when I do for the most part eat healthy.

Since I had my major endo operation, I was content with my weight, I weighed 8 stone 11 (a size 8). But the weight just dropped off of me because I was so ill. I stayed that weight for a couple of months, then put on two and a half stone in just four months.
I loved being a size 8, I felt comfortable in bikinis and denim shorts. Although, my husband thought I was too skinny.

As I can’t particularly exercise with a stoma, walking is all I can do at the moment. I hear some people with stoma have ran marathons and I just cannot, I feel like it’s going to come out really long and floppy lol. Anyway now that my puppy is vaccinated, we can go on 15 minute walks together. So that’s something I suppose.

I’m trying my best not to feel down about my weight, but I’d love to just stay a size 10 in my thirties. Why. Is. It. So. Hard?

I’ve started tracking my calories – trying to eat 1,440 a day, so, I will see how that goes and will update you on the progress. Also if you would like to see a what I eat in a day/week blog post, let me know!

I don’t know what the point of this blog post is, but maybe someone can relate to it? I just wanted to come on here and ramble and be real with you guys.

Have you had any weight struggles? Or are you completely content with your weight? I’d love to know in the comments below.

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24 Comments

  1. Lou
    February 2, 2021 / 5:29 pm

    I’ve struggled with my weight for the longest time. I’m a size 14-16 and was a size 10 in my twenties like you. I love food too much but know I need to eat healthier.xx

    • zoey
      Author
      February 2, 2021 / 6:56 pm

      Sorry to hear you’ve struggled with your weight. I think it’s all about balance, eat healthy but treat yourself too. x

  2. February 2, 2021 / 6:15 pm

    The most important is to be comofrtable in yourself no matter what the scale says. Thanks for sharing. Definitelty relatable.
    XX Angelica
    https://eraenvogue.com

    • zoey
      Author
      February 2, 2021 / 6:56 pm

      Very true! Thank you :). x

  3. February 2, 2021 / 8:45 pm

    I’ve struggled with my weight for years and I think for me personally, it’s a struggle I’ll always have because I don’t think I will ever be the perfect weight I want to be! Thank you for sharing your story lovely x

    Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk

    • zoey
      Author
      February 2, 2021 / 10:44 pm

      The struggle is real Lucy! I know how you feel – maybe I’ll never be happy with my weight either. It’s hard when there are so many skinny influencers out there – I should not be comparing, but hey ho. BUT, just to stay a size 10 would be the dream. x

  4. February 2, 2021 / 8:52 pm

    Thank you for sharing this! I can absolutely relate to you. I don’t have any major weight issues other than I was almost diagnosed as underweight a couple of months ago. I’m slowly trying to get back to my normal weight and right now I’m right where I want my weight to be and I just have to maintain it. I’m pretty much comfortable with my shape and what I’m eating regardless of what the scale says. I think you look fabulous no matter what size you are in xx

    lenne | lennezulkiflly.com

    • zoey
      Author
      February 2, 2021 / 10:50 pm

      Thank you for your comment Lenne. Good luck with maintaining your weight, I know how tricky it can be. Good on ya for being comfortable with your shape and what you eat! And thank you! I don’t feel fab at the moment, but once I lose two stone I will be. x

  5. February 3, 2021 / 4:01 am

    Hi Zoey, first of all I wish to let you know that you are beautiful in all of those stages 😉 I can relate with you so much about this, I was diagnosed with endometriosis in 2019. When I got married in 2015 I weighed 105 pounds (45kg) and I noticed the drastic change in my body as years went by including my belly. I understood the unexplainable gain as I learned about my condition and I would have to say that no matter how much I follow the endo friendly diet, I can never go back to my weight before.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re not alone in this. I too am very conscious about my body right now but at the same time I’m also learning not to keep blaming myself or my condition. Here’s to staying healthy together and hopefully shedding a few to keep ourselves away from any illness.

    Take care always!

    Cheers,
    Hanna / Heydays With Hanna

    • zoey
      Author
      February 3, 2021 / 10:50 am

      Aw thankyou Hanna, too kind. Sorry to hear you have endo too, it’s a horrible condition. I have a stoma now which makes it incredibly hard to exercise, but I’m trying to eat healthy, lots of fruit and veg and doing a bit of walking is all I can do right now. Good luck with your journey, I know its incredibly hard with endo. x

  6. February 3, 2021 / 9:36 am

    I think it never matters what other people say about your weight,, it’s about you being comfortable with it. When I first became ill I put on weight and couldn’t understand it as my diet hadn’t changed at all, but I didn’t realise I was ill at the time – I was just pushing through my symptoms and my body seemed to be fighting me. When I eventually collapsed and accepted that I was ill, my body went completely the opposite way and I lost almost 3 stone in around 2 and a half months. I stayed that weight for years (apart from when I had food poisoning and lost almost a stone in 3 days!). Then a Consultant put me on some medication as a trial to help my illness and I could feel a change within my body. I then put on weight quite quickly and since then, it’s been very difficult to lose weight. I can’t exercise, on doctor’s orders, and I’m too fatigued anyway, so all I can control is what I eat. Like you, I make soups and we cook from scratch, apart from a takeaway on Saturday nights. Chocolate is my weakness too – I have zero energy, so I almost rely on it for fake energy, which is a ridiculous thing to do. I try not to think about it too much and tell myself that when I’m better, I’ll be able to exercise and that will hopefully help to kickstart my metabolism, I try not to worry about things I can’t control right now, but I totally understand your frustration x

    Beautylymin

    • zoey
      Author
      February 3, 2021 / 10:59 am

      Same here, when I was really unwell (endo infected) I lost so much weight. I think it’s one of the skinniest times I’ve been apart from when I was 15-18. It’s amazing how our bodies go into shutdown mode and shed the pounds.

      It’s so hard when you’re being put on medication and gaining weight rapidly, totally feel you with that one. I suppose it’s also worth saying that as we get older, our metabolisms change too, so it’s a lot harder to lose weight.

      You’ve been through a lot, so need to take it easy and exercise when you feel ready to.

      I think take aways are fine, always nice to treat yourself as we’re in Lockdown at the mo. And what else can we really enjoy?! x

  7. Nicole
    February 3, 2021 / 5:49 pm

    I think your an incredible person sharing your weight loss journey with us and definitely relatable. Unlike these bloggers who just shove gifted products in front of our faces!!! I’ve followed you from your endometriosis stories and never commented until now. Please do a what I eat in a day or week post. These blog posts really intrigue me. Have a good day and hope you find content with your weight and weight loss.

    • zoey
      Author
      February 3, 2021 / 5:58 pm

      Aw, thank you so much Nicole, your kind words mean a lot. I will try to do one in March – undecided if it’ll be a what I eat in a day or week. Hopefully it will give perspective of the diet I’m on. I hope to be content with my weight once I lose a dress size. We’ll see how it goes… x

  8. February 4, 2021 / 3:33 pm

    It sounds like your head is in the right place to address what you weigh and you’ve always been sensible. I’m sure many agree that you look amazing in every photo and it really is just a number! I’ve gained and lost over the years but I know it doesn’t define me x Ruth Writes ruthwrites.blog

    • zoey
      Author
      February 4, 2021 / 3:45 pm

      Thanks Ruth! Appreciate the comment. Your weight shouldn’t define you, you’re absolutely right there. x

  9. February 4, 2021 / 6:33 pm

    For what its worth, your figure is beautiful and your body does so much for you so giiiiiirl show it some love with chocolate! haha but I know what you mean, a few years ago I was up to a size 20 and I’m now down to a 12/14 and I have a little way to go still. as for exercise goes, and with no knowledge of anything stoma related, is it possible for you to do some weights and resistance training? That’s what I’m doing now and I’m seeing results now and I feel like my body is changing how I want to look! I’d love to see a what I eat in a day or week, soup recipes especially I’m obsessed at the minute!xx

    • zoey
      Author
      February 4, 2021 / 8:44 pm

      Aww thank you so much Milli. Chocolate cravings every day haha.

      WOW, that’s amazing, well done you!

      I could do some weights and resistance training yes, well I haven’t researched into it but as long as I’m not moving around loads I think I’ll be ok. I have a kettlebell but maybe I should buy some small weights. Good suggestion, thanks lovely!

      Sure thing, I’ll do a what i eat in a week so it shows more. Hopefully I’ll post it beginning of March time. x

  10. February 5, 2021 / 4:55 pm

    I think lockdown has really put us in a mood where a lot of us seem to think what we’re doing isn’t good enough. My weight fluctuates quite a lot and also in different clothing company sizings (which are always the worst). For what it’s worth I think you’re gorgeous and also need to remember that with age your body changes a lot and with different life experiences (i.e a pandemic!!) The most important thing is that you feel the best you can, so howevever you do it as long as you’re safe and keeping at a health weight I hope you feel happier soon! xx

    http://www.iridescentplaces.com

    • zoey
      Author
      February 5, 2021 / 5:55 pm

      It certainly has. I’m the same, I buy different sizes from a lot of brands. I still wear some size 10 clothes, other times I’m a 12. I think brands need to do better at making their sizes consistent.
      Aw thank you! I’ve lost a pound since I pressed publish on this, baby steps! But who knows, tomorrow I may weigh more as I’ve had chocolate.

      I’ll report back on this journey in a few months to see where I’m at. x

  11. February 5, 2021 / 9:28 pm

    I’ve also struggled with my weight and body image my entire life until fairly recently. I now can look back and realize that our bodies fluctuate with purpose–they are trying to protect us the best way they know how and often we just end up trying to punish them for it. I’ve gotten into intuitive eating the last year or so and it’s really changed the way I view my body. I know strive to honour it with what it wants/needs rather than punish it for not looking the way that society has told me it needs to look.

    I hope you can find some more comfort in your weight as well, whatever it might be at any given time 🙂

    • zoey
      Author
      February 6, 2021 / 11:43 am

      That’s really great advice Kat! Thank you for commenting.

      Thank you, I hope so too. x

  12. February 28, 2021 / 7:17 pm

    I can completely relate.

    I used to be a lot bigger in my 20s. Then from around 27 – 30 I hit the gym hard. I’d go about 6 times a week and run / weightlift, box / circuit train. Just everything. And I was eating pretty good too. I got down to a 10-12 and I’m 5’10 so I think for my height that was pretty good. I felt really good within myself and I was pretty toned.

    Then lockdown hit and aside from running a couple of times a week I feel so inactive. I used to be the person who’d walk 10+ miles a day and then do 40 minutes of weights and now lockdown has me feeling all kinds of sluggish. I’m now the larger end of a 12 and just feeling urghhh.

    I think tracking calories does help to an extent as it really makes you mindful of what you’re eating. Although it’s too easy to get carries away. There was one point where I was eating a bag of sweet and salty popcorn, realising it was 110 calories or so and going on a walk at 10pm to burn it off. xo

    • zoey
      Author
      March 4, 2021 / 8:14 pm

      I’ve put on two more pounds since this post, but I’ve now gone on a vegan/veggie diet to try and shift the pounds and I’m doing 6,000 steps a day, no weight lost so far but I’m hoping it will shift eventually. Kudos to you though, I don’t think I could train so hard but if you enjoy it thats all that matters. I know what you mean about feeling urgh in lockdown. It’s hard! So don’t put too much pressure on yourself lovely and enjoy yourself. x

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