As we get older, as friendships change and grow apart, I’ve learnt to realise its more about quality over quantity.
When you’re in school, you tend to find and make a lot of friends, then university rolls round and the same happens.
After university, friendships disappear… people grow apart and find other groups of people. Then work happens – it’s quite hard to find work friends but when it happens, you’re like yessss, adult friendships!
I’m still in contact with a lot of people I’ve worked alongside – from way back when I was working in retail which is quite nice!
But, your late twenties can feel quite lonely from time to time, well that’s my experience anyway.
Your friends are growing up, becoming adults, focusing on their careers, getting married, buying houses, travelling the world and having children.
There’s not as much free time to hang out. People get busy and sometimes it takes weeks, even months to schedule something in the diary. That’s life.
But, it’s ok. It’s ok to have a small group of friends. And it’s ok that we’re all busy living our own lives.
Everyone (well majority) understands that we all have a lot on our plates and we’re not in the university freedom bubble anymore.
If your friend doesn’t understand why you can’t be reached at all times or why you can’t make it to a certain event because you’re simply busy, then she/he hasn’t realised that’s just what naturally happens when you reach your mid to late twenties.
Over the years, I’ve been faced with, oh ‘ you’re too selfish’, ‘maybe you don’t like my company anymore’ or ‘you don’t think friendships are important enough’ and it’s bullshit.
No, quite frankly Mary, I love your company and I think my friendships are incredibly vital, but yes maybe I am selfish because I am control of my life and what events I can and do attend.
I’ve dealt with social anxiety a lot in my early to mid twenties – which made me fear going out sometimes, but i’ll save that story for another day. Though I will say, I feel like I have overcome my troubled days of social anxiety.
I still get anxious sometimes but it’s no where near as bad as it used to be!
Anyway, I think it would be a completely different story if I was purposely agreeing to meet up then cancelling every single time with a really bad excuse.
Being in control of my events and not attending every single one doesn’t make me a bad person, and it shouldn’t make me feel like I don’t value my friendships because I do. I just happen to have a lot of things happening in my life, as we all do.
If they are a good enough friend, they will simply understand those reasons and your busy schedule. And if they don’t, well… you know where you stand in that friendship unfortunately.
I have some really good work friends, my dearest work wives who make me laugh a ridiculous amount every single day.
It’s so important to have a good relationship with people you work with – because let’s face it, you’re at work most of your lives, 40 hours a week.
It’s a breath of fresh air that I’ve found people who have the same humour and interests as me. Rare gems!
I love waking up and knowing I’ve got a great day ahead of me (none of this I’m dreading work today bullshit) not just because I love what I do, but because as soon as I walk in, my girls are already making me laugh. It’s a good feeling.
Other than work friends, my best friend lives in Germany and has done for 6 or so years now. We went to university together, lived together and she is actually the only person from university that I keep close contact with.
Sometimes we go months without speaking but it’s that special friendship that we can pick up where we left things off. A friendship that I always admire. It helps that’s she’s a Scorpio – another version of me… And, well can you tell who she is below?
We’re flying over to Nuremberg in late November to see her, her husband and baby and I’m so excited! Like I say it’s been months… possibly a year since we last saw each other so we have a lot to catch up on!
Besides my bestie and work friends, I also have a few close friends from my home town too. Ones that I need to make more of a conscious effort to see if I’m honest. I’m just a bit useless sometimes, as well as being busy… but whenever I see them, it’s always good fun!
Now that me and Joe have moved a little closer to them, we do see them a bit more which is great! But I’d like to see my home-town girl friends more (but like I say, I’m useless at arranging anything, I just go with the flow and attend what I can)!
Anyway, cherish those friendships that last longer than 5 years and those that you have a real connection with.
People will always come in and out of your lives, but the ones that are there for more than 5 years are usually the ones you tend to hold on to.
I’m very lucky and thankful for the friendships I have. They’re all different in their own unique ways and I love them to bits!
This post is a little mushy isn’t it! My bad. But I hope you’ve enjoyed reading and can relate in some way or another.
Just know it’s ok to have a small group of friends or even have one friend. It’s not weird and you don’t need to have 193637 friends.
Or, if you feel like you have no-one (I know how that feels when you’re feeling lonely in your twenties), I’ll be your friend :). Just message / add me on social media (Instagram, Twitter, Bloglovin), I’m always up for talking to anyone!