Please Stop Asking Me When I’m Going To Have A Baby…

I’m sure a lot of newlyweds are going to feel me on this one. The dreaded question, “When are you having kids?”

Joe and I have been married almost 2 years and together 8. After you say ‘I do’, everyone expects you to fall pregnant shortly after.

I’m relatively happy living my life as it is. I have a good career, I go on luxurious holidays and there’s much more to experience but, I’m edging closer to thirty and my maternal clock is ticking apparently.

If my time comes then of course I will be over the moon, well actually most likely shocked and questioning whether I can raise a human, but I will be delighted none the less.

Falling pregnant is hard, real hard. Unless you’re the ripe age of a highly fertile 18 year old.

A lot of women struggle falling pregnant. Someone might have polycystic ovaries, endometriosis (oh hi friend) or unexplained infertility. On the other hand, you may just be really lucky and fall pregnant on the first try.

My chances of falling pregnant are very slim. I’m quite aware and yes I know I’m reaching 30 next year (the fear of losing those damn eggs as the years pass… fuck).

I have stage 4 endometriosis and besides the agonising pain, I’ve been told “you’re going to struggle getting pregnant, you will need assisted help as your endometriosis is severe.” It wasn’t nice hearing that aged 25.

Having surgery for endometriosis does improve chances of pregnancy but obviously it cannot guarantee anything.

After having an MRI scan recently, I was told I have an endometriosis cyst on my right ovary and my left fallopian tube is blocked… great!

I decided to turn down my surgery as I’ve been through it twice and I’ll only do it when it becomes really agonising – to the point where I can’t move from my bed.

Anyway, when my time comes… if it does, it’ll be a fricking miracle. I know there are options for IVF or adopting. But, knowing friends and family who have gone through it, they take forever!  And, the NHS is cancelling some of the funding for IVF too… so, that’s brilliant news! I’m of course being sarcastic.

IVF ain’t cheap (if you’re unsuccessful with the NHS) and it’s a rollercoaster journey. I’ve had friends and family members both become successful and unsuccessful. A family member of mine tried IVF a few times and it simply didn’t work. They were devastated as you can imagine.

I’m not sure if I can put myself through that, to deal with the pain and knowing that it might not work. I’ve been through enough, thank you.

Also, miscarriages! A lot of women miscarry in the first 12 weeks and it’s not talked about enough! Losing your baby is beyond heartbreaking and my heart goes out to all the ladies (and men) who have experienced it.

Anyway, can we please stop asking newlyweds or couples that have been together a long time if they are going to have a baby soon. You have no idea if that couple is struggling, has a condition that decreases or eliminates the chance of pregnancy or whether they even want kids! It can take years upon years to fall pregnant, so let’s be a little mindful.

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12 Comments

  1. October 25, 2018 / 9:32 pm

    This post hit home for me on a major level.
    Congratulations on 2 years! We’re the same 🙂
    I never thought I’d dread this question, sadly we didn’t have a good time with it earlier this year and seriously!!! It is HARD!!!
    I don’t think people think about it though, when asking I think they are simply making small talk, like talking about the weather….
    I wish you and your husband well and hope you find your way, whichever that is!
    xxxx

    • zoey
      Author
      October 26, 2018 / 7:39 am

      Thanks for commenting lovely 😊.

      I agree, people assume it’s completely fine to talk about but it’s usually those who haven’t got kids and haven’t experienced it or family members intrigued as that’s supposedly the next step!

      Good luck with everything and congrats on 2 years too! x

  2. Jay
    October 26, 2018 / 9:34 am

    Great post! I don’t have kids and am unlikely to have any as I’m very much single. However I do find it rude to ask people when are they having kids. No one knows what’s going on in someone else’s life. There’s a whole number of reasons for not having kids and it’s no one else’s business.

    • zoey
      Author
      October 27, 2018 / 7:47 am

      Thanks for commenting :). Exactly – I find it quite rude as well! x

  3. October 28, 2018 / 11:57 am

    asking a woman when she will be having a baby and asking about pregnancy is so inappropriate and just simply wrong. i’m not married but have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and people keep on asking or suggesting career moves to make having babies as easy as possible and it’s just so frustrating.
    ❤︎

    http://www.elenaisabelle.com

    • zoey
      Author
      October 29, 2018 / 7:43 pm

      💯 I feel your frustration! I don’t understand why people think it’s ok/perfectly acceptable to ask… x

  4. Lisa Autumn
    October 28, 2018 / 12:16 pm

    GIRL I couldn’t relate more!

    x Lisa | lisaautumn.com

    • zoey
      Author
      October 29, 2018 / 7:44 pm

      🙂 Thanks for commenting love x

  5. November 2, 2018 / 12:56 am

    It’s one of the most frustrating things to hear indeed. And people don’t seem to realize the gravity of what they’re doing.
    Jessica | notjessfashion.com

    • zoey
      Author
      November 2, 2018 / 6:04 am

      Thanks for commenting lovely. I know right! Incredibly frustrating x

  6. November 3, 2018 / 2:25 pm

    I’m annoyed by that question and I’m not even married! Your wedding pictures are so lovely 🙂

    • zoey
      Author
      November 3, 2018 / 2:34 pm

      Thank you :).

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