It’s Ok To Not Be Ok…

It’s really early in the morning and I can’t sleep. I’ve got a lot on my mind that I’m just bursting to write about but I know I can’t. What I will talk about is to remind everyone that it’s ok to not be ok.

In this rollercoaster so-called life, we deal with many situations, some good, some bad. And sometimes health gets in the way and is a real pain in the ass. But what can we do? Ignore it. I try to… and have done for years. And, I tell you what, it’s the biggest mistake I made.

Some of you may know I suffer with endometriosis, I think I’ve spoken about it once or twice on here. And some of you may also know I suffer with migraines and cluster headaches.

If you’re unsure what any of those are, I’m not going to bore you with the details but feel free to google them.

Ok, so you may or may have not googled… As you can imagine, I deal with a lot of pain every single day of my life, and I put that aside because I don’t like talking about it, it makes me severally upset. I mean, imagine wakeing up in pain every single day? To some extent where you can’t move (endometriosis) or where you feel like banging your head against a wall until the migraine is physically removed from your head.

Well now I talk about something serious that happened to me… So, I was going through a very stressful period of my life, I had a wedding to plan (supposed to be the biggest life changing moment in your life), I had an extremely busy day job and I had my blog to run. And, I guess I was just under a huge amount of pressure, which I’m going to refrain from talking about for now.
And… well, I usually deal with work well. I’m a perfectionist and I work hard, I always have done. But it just all got too much.

I suppose you could say, I work hard so I don’t have to think about my problems. Working hard and accomplishing things made me feel good about myself. But in reality it was taking a toll on my health. I was working 9 till 5:30 (sometimes later) with a thirty minute lunch break, I’d then quickly eat dinner then work till the late hours on my blog, freelance work or the wedding. And I’d work all day at the weekends. I didn’t stop. I was like a machine. And look where that got me…

I booked an emergency doctors appointment and they took my blood pressure, I was 158! 158! At the time, I didn’t think much of it. But my doctor looked at me in real concern. Boy was I in trouble… Anyway, there was no question about it, she signed me off straight away. But of course I refused at first… Not being able to work is my ideal of hell.

I then went home, googled 158 blood pressure… “140-160” Hypertension or something, on the verge of having a stroke or heart attack. I literally didn’t know what to do. I stared at the screen thinking in my head, “are you actually serious lol.” And then it hit me, if I carried on at the rate I was going, I could of died. I literally could of died. I know I’m being a bit dramatic here. But imagine how that feels like?

Since then, I have been resting, and I’m back on my old friend, Co-codomol… But there’s only so much rest you can do when you’re also planning a wedding.

I feel ok now but my heart rate still doesn’t feel good. ¬†And, I am dreading going back to the doctors incase she tells me off again for not looking after myself and taking it easy.

What I will say is, if you’re going through something similar, stress headaches, migraines, cluster headaches or endometriosis, or maybe you’re dealing with anxiety or depression. Please stay strong, you’re not alone. There are people out there who will help you.
And, if you do experience your heart rate going a bit awol, please go and see a doctor. As they have your best interests at heart.

For me, the best way for me to deal with these happenings, is to write. Writing helps. It really does, it’s therapeutic, and it gets off my chest. Also baths help, and exercise too.

So, I just want to say again, it’s ok to not be ok. You are important and please look after yourselves. You’re not alone. And please don’t make the mistake that I did.

Love, Zoey

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